7 June 2025
- bountymouse88
- Jun 9
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 11
Division 1: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 1st XI Division 2: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 2nd XI
Division 3: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 3rd XI Division 4:
Women's Premiership: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Breakers Masters Football: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Masters
1st XI 2-5 FC Nelson
Location: Guppy Park
Goals: Seth, Luc.
Match MVP: Keiron Crossan It was a rough afternoon for the mighty Tahuna Firsts, who travelled to Guppy Park — a venue that smells like a blocked toilet in a fish factory — to take on third-placed FC Nelson in a top-of-the-table clash. Unfortunately, the result stank nearly as much as the surroundings, as TFC went down 5–2 in an end-to-end encounter.
Things got off to a grim start, with FC Nelson scoring two goals before most of our lads had even broken a sweat. But Tahuna responded in true gritty fashion, Luc throwing himself into a goalmouth scramble and somehow bundling the ball over the line. Ugly goal? Absolutely. Did it count? Also yes. His second of the season — they all count, folks.
Hope briefly flickered… before FC Nelson smashed it into tiny pieces with two more goals before the half. At 4–1 down, oranges couldn’t come soon enough.
We pulled one back thanks to Ethan’s saved penalty which of course, Seth “6-Yard Box” Watson sniffing out the rebound like a man possessed. That’s his fifth of the season, and all five from within arm’s reach of the net. Elite poaching instincts.
Whatever was said at half-time (and there’s a rumour Macca just played whale noises to calm everyone down) worked, Tahuna tightened up in the second half, conceding just one more, but the damage was already done. Credit to FC Nelson — they were sharper, quicker to second balls, and apparently unaffected by the overwhelming stench of Guppy Park.
There were still bright spots: Kieron Crossan was class throughout, and Macca proved once again why he’s the GOAT. Blessings Nbebele and Harry Edwards added much-needed energy off the bench and showed there’s depth in the squad.
TFC had their chances and kept FC Nelson honest, but the better team won on the day. We’ll take the lessons, bin the result (and maybe the pink kit) and go again next week. Tough choice for MOTM, ended up between Kieron, and Mateos dog Balti, but Kieron just pipped it this time, unlucky Balti.
The season’s far from over — and this squad’s got plenty more to give. Match report by Joe Robertson.
2nd XI 7-0 Wakefield 1st XI
Location: Tahunanui S1
Goals: Will 2, Pedro 2, Gary, Raimund, Dan
Match MVP: Isaac Taylor
Sometimes a team turns up for a game of football and at other times a team doesn't. On Saturday We witnessed the former and the latter. Expecting a competitive match of back and forth with some amazing mudslides in the sludge thrown in we ended up with quite a different spectacle. Tahuna was on form, one two plays, movements up with wing, crosses galore - I admit there was some flarffing about for about the first 15min with "just shoot" comments from the bench but eventually the lads found the net and the flood gates opened. Wakefield showing some ground punching frustration and seeming just a moment after the play, they couldn't quite get back into it. Unfortunately, it wasn't all smooth sailing for Tahuna as shortly after Harry was unleashed on pitch to spend a quiet afternoon in defense, he got some cuddle action as a Wakefield midfielder got cozy with his leg. After finally freeing himself from the nonconsentual leg hug which lingered far too long and chasing after the attacking play, he was unlucky to receive a yellow card for a tackle, which from the bench looked clean but sometimes it's all about angles and even though he got the ball it may have been slightly a little too much from behind. Fortunately, win or lose playing at the Tahunanui mud pit there's always free kai and a cozy pub to warm everyone up after matches. No doubt Wakefield will look to redeem themselves next weekend when the Tahuna lads visit them at their home domain. Special shout out to #4 Tuesday who has a new fan for life. MOTM to Isaac turning up ready to go 2hours before kickoff and instrumental in the back 3 helping keep a clean sheet for the team. Will could have gone and played goals for first div with those legs covering the back line!
Match report by Abbi.
3rd XI 0-2 Richmond FC Stags
Location: Tahunanui S2 Goals:
Match MVP: Eric
A home game against the 3rds' bogey team Richmond Stags wasn't enough to help as Tahuna went crashing out of the AR Hurst trophy this past weekend 2-0.
First half:
Tahuna started brightly with neat passing across the pitch. Stags with a height advantage against a plucky Tahuna team that wanted to get some form of justice after their league loss earlier in the league.
Alot of back and forth action in the first half with both sides evenly matched. Stags opting to sit back and soak up the pressure as Tahuna came forward on multiple occasions. Dan Smith on loan for a half from the 2nds linking up very well with Stafano at LB. Tahuna pressed and had a few chances but couldn't quite get the ball in the net. The Stags came forward multiple times with Col Chapman on loan from the masters in between the sticks (thanks again Kevy). At one point Tahuna thought they'd be 1-0 up as Dan floated in a worldie of a corner only for the Stags keeper to tip it onto the crossbar after getting a hand to it! It then was the turn of the Stags and a lucky break saw them squeeze a shot under Col and go 1-0 up with 5mins until half time. Sayha tried his best to level the scores but had a few shots go ever so slightly wide.
Ref blew for halftime as Tahuna sat down for some oranges.
Second half:
After some words from Stu the boys came back out with Matty making way for the returning Rhys Black at CB. Dong and Quan also coming on for Diego and Will.
Stags kicked off and buoyed by their goal came straight on the attack to put pressure on Tahuna knowing another goal would finish it essentially. Things started to get techy as both teams started flying into tackles. Richmond then started targeting Sobi and Diego knowing that in the past they had gotten under their skins. Some tough challenges on them were waved on by the referee. More back and forth action in the middle of the park as Tahuna tried to gain momentum to force an all important goal.
It wasn't to be as a mix up between Rhys and Fraser ended up with them crashing into each other and Richmond slotting the shot away past Col to make it 2-0.
Unfortunately Tahuna lost their heads at that moment. The refree having to half play for both sides to go away and calm the situation. This didnt help matters as the half progressed, Ralph picked up a yellow for arguing with the referee and after multiple strong words with the ref, Diego subbed himself off rather than get a card. Sobi was lucky not to get carded himself on the day.
The ref blew the whistle as the Stags managed again to get one over on Tahuna. Stags progress in the cup while Tahuna will be wondering what could have been.
Tahuna next look to bring themselves back to their best against a resurgent FC Nelson 3rds team who have somehow ended up in 2nd in the league! Match report by Stuart Mountain.
4th XI 0-4 Motueka 3rd XI
Location: Tahunanui S2
Goals:
Match MVP:
Match report by Justin.
TFC Breakers - Richmond FC Swans - Postponed
Location:
Goals:
Match MVP:
Match report by
TFC Masters 5-1 Richmond Bogans Masters
Location: Jubilee Park S3
Goals: Tomas 3, paddy, Kev
Match MVP: Tomas
After two consecutive losses to Wakefield FC, Tahuna Masters arrived at Richmond to play the Bogans team, knowing only a win would do. The game started brightly with a cross from the right zipping across to Kev… It’s a pity Richmond footy fields have set their football crossbars at regulation height… We huffed and puffed a lot following this.. A deflected shot from a corner fell to Tomas who struck it with aplomb into the Bogan’s net. But although the following 30 showed flashes of promise we ultimately gave the ball away too many times. The Bogans were emboldened. They gave us 2 or 3 free shots at clearing our lines but we politely rejected the ball and the Bogans stuck it in the back of our net, 1-1.
We trudged off at half time knowing we should be better. Whilst mindlessly chewing on jet planes somehow Kev managed to find and plug in a hair drier. “YOU COULDNAE,” he ranted, “YOU SHOULDNAE,” he spat, “YOU WOULDNAE!!!’ he cursed. Cam teared up. He doesn’t like being shouted at. Kev’s arms flew back and forth. We got the message that we should start passing to our own players instead of Bogans’. “I’M SUBBING OFF TO WATCH YE AND GIT TO THE BOTTOM,” Kev threatened with a final mumble. Concerned that we’d need to use Richmond’s portable CPR machine if we continued in the same vein, we got back on the pitch and passed to each other. In our first possession of the second half, a run down the right was whipped back to Paddy who mercilessly stuffed it in Bogan’s ball sack. We quickly won the ball back in midfield shortly after, fighting the ball through to Tomas who notched up our third. In the middle of the second half the Bogans tried to stir up a fight back. Ollie did well to clear off the line when they really threatened and saved well and commanded the back line otherwise. Ben got a little excited on the side with his offside flag (he’s at home studying the offside rules off a throw in as I write this).
But ultimately we found our mojo again. Tahuna added a fourth down to Paddy pressure on the Bogan’s goalie; who could not clear under the frightening sight of a wired up Canadian. Paddy cordially set up Tomas again, who dutifully grabbed a hat trick. Kev’s face was a little less purple now. He subbed himself back on and Glasgow kissed the ball into the bottom corner of their goal for our fifth.
So 5-1 in the end and 3 of those were Tomas, who put on a good second half show with Paddy. Tomas was given the match ball but then quickly reminded we only have limited footballs and asked to give it back. Other mentions of note should go to Gaz who sacrificed his chances of a golden boot to shore up the back line when Zane hobbled off. And also to Taylor for refereeing the game at short notice. She did a sterling job at controlling a group of over emotional middle aged men. She’s probably scared of Kev too.
Match Report by Peter Batty.
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