31 May 2025

bountymouse88
Jun 3
9 min read

Division 1: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 1st XI Division 2: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 2nd XI

Division 3: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 3rd XI Division 4:

Sprig + Fern Tahuna 4th XI

Women's Premiership: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Breakers Masters Football: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Masters

1st XI 2-1 Richmond FC 1st XI

Location: Tahunanui S1

Goals: Mackenzie, Danny

Match MVP: Danny Ross “Tahuna’s El Clasico – deep heat, dodgy linesmen & a Dani Alves thunderbolt”

The stage was set for what the lads dubbed the “Battlers El Clasico”: Tahuna fresh from a bye, Richmond coming off a draw with FC Karenni. Missing a few familiar faces (James off trekking Machu Picchu, the shuffled squad saw Ethan Skinner drifting out to left wing and the return of Keiron Crossan to the firsts.

With the sun blazing down and the win blowing sideways, the home crowd fired up like the Camp Nou faithful on a European night. Tahuna set about rewriting the script from our first-round

draw.

Within five minutes, keeper drama worthy of Iker Casillas vs. Victor Valdés unfolded. Joe “Martinez” Robertson, nursing cracked ribs from the previous game, held the fort until Will “Victor Valdes” Murphy stepped in to steady the ship after his early game for the seconds.

The first half was a proper back-and-forth, with Richmond pinging hopeful long balls like prime Real Madrid Galacticos launching counterattacks. Ethan Skinner nearly gave TFC the lead with an audacious bicycle kick that was clawed away like Casillas in his prime. Minutes later, the Richmond keeper channelled his inner Iker again, denying Macca a sure goal.

But in first-half stoppage time, Richmond capitalised on a messy scramble, nodding home a cross after a miscommunication at the back.

Halftime: 0–1, but spirits were high and the pep talk echoed of Luis Enrique at halftime, urging the boys to keep the faith.

The second half began with fresh legs: Nick “Do Bro” Williamson entered the fray, and Matteo “Yellow Card Printer” Hernandez took up residence at LB. Then it happened: a bouncing clearance fell to Danny “Dani Alves” Ross.

From 25 yards out, he banged it first time top bins – the kind of thunderbolt Roberto Carlos would’ve nodded in approval at. The crowd lost it, the Richmond keeper probably still searching for that ball.

Shortly after, absolute madness: Ethan thought he’d bagged a second, the net rippled, the crowd roared – but the ref, after some OGAR (Other Goalie Assistant Referee) and ref had a conference in the goal…the end result: “the ball had gone in the goal, hit the net but didn’t go over the line. No goal and a goal kick to Richmond (and yes, how can it be a goal kick if it didn’t cross the line?). There’s a first for everything!

Moments later, Macca took matters into his own hands, finishing clinically and sparking limbs, awkward hugs and mistimed hi-fives – a goal that definitely crossed the line this time!

The last 15 minutes were pure Santiago Bernabéu siege: Tahuna dug in, clearing everything and battling like Sergio Ramos at his snarling best.

Final score: 2–1, and the boys up to second in the table with a big game against FC next weekend to wipe out their game in hand advantage.

⸻

Man of the Match:

Danny Ross – snuffed out attacks all game and hit a screamer to rival any Dani Alves highlight reel.

Massive shoutout again to the home crowd – louder than a Madridista at a Clasico, dragging the boys over the line and a big thanks to Will for helping the lads out by jumping in goal. Appreciate it mate, pulled off some cracking saves! Match report by Mackenzie Manaton

2nd XI 2-3 FC Nelson Locomotive

Location: Neale Park S2

Goals: Will, Asher

Match MVP: Will Mathews

This week was tough.

As always, coming up against Loco is never easy but the boys felt good leading into the game and started the first half well with some good football in trying conditions. Loco with the wind at their backs played well also, but we felt we were unlucky to go down 1-0 after losing the ball on attack and being caught on the break.

10mins later, and a similar situation saw Loco extend with a well taken 2nd goal. Going into half time 2-0 down there was a real determination to fight back and it showed over the next half hour. Asher finally getting us our first goal really put a spring back in the step and 2 minutes later it was all level thanks to Will Mathews.

With the game wide open both teams chased a result and it could have gone either way. Unfortunately, we blinked first and Loco with a free kick in the top bins won it on the final whistle. Tough loss, but not through lack of effort.

We return home next week for the first cup round

Match report by James Munday.

3rd XI 4-3 FC Nelson Loco Steamers

Location: Neale Park S3 Goals: Diego 3, Binh

Match MVP: Diego A cross town trip to Neale Park as table toppers Tahuna 3rds looked to increase their lead at the top, against bottom of the table FC Nelson Loco Steamers.

With a injury list longer than a Christmas wish list, Tahuna turned up with 1 sub and a first start of the season for Stu Mountain in goal (here come the lols).

Kick off and Loco began to move the ball around the park, and aiming to break down the wings, quickly finding out that Thorsten and Fraser were on the flanks and weren't going to make it easy for them. Tahuna recovering possession a number of times and feeding through Quan and Sobi in the midfield with the aim of releasing the front 3 of Diego, Sayha and Binh.

Alot of back and forth action in the middle of the park as Loco tried to go long ball over the top, Eric in the middle of defense not allowing anything past him.

Tahuna then got their break as Sobi threaded a marvelous ball through to Diego who beat the offside trap, Loco players screaming offside as Diego went 1 on 1 with the keeper to slot away for his 2nd goal in as many games. 1-0 Tahuna and the boys in blue showing why they are top of the table!

Loco came back and their attempts on goal didn't amount to much as Stu decided on a number of occasions to use himself like a riot shield at a french farmers protest to smother the ball.

Loco were starting to get annoyed with the tiki taka ball Tahuna were using to cut through them like a hot knife through melting butter, with a number of suspect challenges being waved on by the referee (calls a solid game this ref).

Diego then decided to go prime R9 (before the weight issues) and chip the keeper from range, bouncing off the far post and cheekily trickling over the line on the opposite side to send Tahuna into raptures as the lads went 2-0 with 10mins to go till halftime.

Loco again tried coming forward but the tahuna backline was proving too strong, Ralphy throwing his body and his balls on the line with an incredible challenge. Ref blew for halftime and Tahuna went in 2-0 up.

Some talks on the sidelines and some oranges were eaten as both teams came out for the 2nd half. Tahuna knowing a goal or 2 would seal the deal.

Loco Steamers came out the blocks like a Melbourne cup racehorse and quickly started applying pressure on Tahuna (having the wind on their side definitely helped).

Stu then after his Emi Martinez heroics in the first half thought he would go the other way and do his best impression of Andre Onana as in the space of 15mins managed to let 3 goals past him in calamatous fashion. Leaving Loco Steamslers as Loco Dreamers as they looked on course for a memorable 3-2 win over Tahuna. During this time Matty Knight decided he would turn himself into a cannonball and take the man rather than the ball earning himself his first yellow of the season (WWE will be ringing him for sure).

But as Tahuna have shown this season the scoreline meant nothing to them as they knuckled down and took it straight back to "Loco Dreamers".

Some very suspect offside calls by the Loco linesman were made much to the annoyance of the tahuna bench. Then Sayha got taken out on the penalty area but rather than stay down, jumped up like a duracell bunny, latched back onto the free ball and calmly slotted it across goal for Diego to bang in his hattrick and make the scores 3-3 with 10mins left on the clock!!

Then as Manchester United showed in the Lyon quarter final 2nd leg of the Europa League, Tahuna did exactly the same as the lads pressed and pressed, chance after chance cake and went (Sayha should have had a hattrick himself). Then Binh found himself in space and let fly from the edge of the box as the keeper at full stretch could only watch as it went into the back of the net, 4-3 Tahuna!!! Absolute scenes from the traveling fans, dogs barking, kids jumping for joy. Tears from the home support as Loco Steamers dreams were crushed emphatically.

The ref blew the whistle as Tahuna 3rds picked up a hard fought win against a Loco Steamers team that felt they should have at least had a point from this contest.

With that win and results elsewhere, Tahuna sit top of division 3 with a massive 7 point cushion.

Up next for Tahuna, a cup match against the only team to beat them this season so far.... Richmond Stags...

Expect this to be an absolute stormer of a game!

Match report by Stuart Mountain.

4th XI 3-2 Wakefield 2nd XI

Location: Tahunanui S2

Goals: Ethan 2, Braden (OG)

Match MVP: Jamie In a gripping match that showcased the highs and lows of football, The 4ths emerged victorious with a 3-2 win over Wakefield, thanks to a late own goal that sealed their fate. (spoilers!)

The first half kicked off with excitement as both teams displayed attacking intent. Tahuna had a golden opportunity to take the lead early on when Wayne got taken out in the box for a penalty. As usual Jonny stepped up to slot it home however, in a shocking turn of events, his shot rolled just wide of the post (I blame the wind) keeping the scoreline level. Fortunately not 10 minutes later another attack from the lads put Ethan through on goal who made sure it hit the back of the net putting us 1-0 up.

As the half wore on, both teams attacked and defended as best they could but neither could get past the keepers ending the first half at 1-0.

The second half started with renewed energy from both sides. Just minutes after the whistle, Luke blasted a shot at the keeper who could only parry it away and a swift follow up and some impressive acrobatics from Ethan, made it 2-0. Tahuna started to feel the absence of the Jessop clan who were away at a wedding and the defense was getting tired while Wakefield refused to back down and managed to cause some chaos in the Tahuna box and clawed their way back even at 2-2

The match intensified as both teams pushed for a winning goal, each creating opportunities but unable to convert. Late in the second half a moment of miscommunication in the Wakefield defense led to an unfortunate own goal, giving Tahuna the lead once more. The match concluded with a final score of 3-2, leaving Wakefield devastated and Tahuna celebrating a hard-fought victory.

MVP Jamie Russ for his outstanding performance between the sticks.

Match report by Justin.

TFC Breakers 1-6 Suburbs SPL reserves.

Location: Tahunanui S2

Goals: Ruby

Match MVP: Jenna

In trying conditions, with a strong southerly wind sweeping down the field, the Tahuna Breakers faced off against a determined Suburbs FC in a tough fixture that ultimately ended in a 1-6 loss.

Despite carrying several injuries into the match, the Breakers took to the field with commendable enthusiasm and determination. Suburbs started strongly, quickly finding their rhythm and building a four-goal lead in the first half. A well-executed goal by Ruby down the left wing in the final minute of the half capped off a dominant showing from Suburbs before the break.

The second half saw a much more evenly fought contest, with both teams exchanging attacking opportunities despite the gusty conditions. The Breakers dug deep and showed tremendous heart, but the physical nature of the match came at a cost. Sayaka suffered a knee injury, while Ruby and Amy both sustained ankle and knee knocks, further testing the team’s resilience.

Player of the Match was awarded to Jenna, whose relentless defending and powerful breakaway plays provided moments of real impact and kept the team fighting throughout.

Post-match, the team regrouped at the Sprig and Fern, not only to reflect on a challenging game but to celebrate the camaraderie that defines this team. Over a well-earned drink, spirits were lifted, and the focus turned to recovery and unity as the team looks ahead to the next challenge.

Though the scoreboard didn’t favour the Breakers this time, the effort, grit, and team spirit on display showed exactly what this group is made of.

Match report by Cris Phelan.