20 June 2026
- 7 hours ago
- 12 min read
Division 1: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 1st XI Division 2: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 2nd XI Sprig + Fern Tahuna 3rd XI Division 4:
Women's Premiership: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Womens XI Masters Football: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Masters
1st XI 3 - 2 Rangers AFC
Location: Tahunanui S1
Goals: Luc, Gregor (2)
Match MVP: Gregor
The Beach Boys welcomed Rangers over the Whangamoas for the return leg of the fixture now affectionately known as The Battle of Blenheim. The first instalment saw Tahuna return to the beach with three points, four goals, and significantly fewer people on the Christmas card list from that side of the hill. This one had all the makings of a proper Saturday afternoon scrap.
Fresh off last week’s commanding performance and clean sheet, the boys were chomping at the bit to keep the unbeaten run rolling. The Gaffer shuffled the pack with two changes. IT returned from two weeks “rehabbing” on the Gold Coast to reclaim his natural habitat at left back, while Gregor returned from the hamstring injury he ironically picked up in Blenheim to replace Seth. Between the sticks there was another enforced change after Will’s impromptu trip to the land of the unconscious last weekend, meaning big Tommy D answered the call from the 3rds to don the gloves.
Grey skies, a stiff breeze and KFC Park. Tahuna settled quickest and produced arguably their best half hour of football all season. Slick one and two-touch combinations had Rangers chasing shadows as Luc, Adam, Van and Cunny knitted things together down the right, while IT, Nick, Gregor and Thang mirrored the performance on the left.
Early efforts from Thang, Gregor and Luc all tested the keeper before, after just eight minutes, Luc exploded beyond his defender like a gazelle that had just heard the dinner bell. Bearing down on goal with defenders in hot pursuit, he did what he does best—slowed everything down, waited for the keeper to commit, and rolled it underneath him with the composure of a man parking at the supermarket.
1-0. Lovely stuff.
The goal only encouraged the boys in blue, who camped themselves inside the Rangers half searching for another. Between desperate blocks, questionable finishing and a linesman’s flag getting more exercise than some of the away midfield, the score stubbornly remained one.
Only temporarily.
On 18 minutes came an attacking move that deserved its own soundtrack. If someone overlays the Titanic theme onto the replay, nobody’s complaining.
After patiently recycling possession more times than a vegan mentions they’re vegan, the Blenheim defence were moved around like chess pieces. Van found space between the lines before threading Gregor through with a perfectly weighted pass. The Flying Scotsman needed no second invitation, coolly dispatching beyond the keeper as cries of “FREEEEEDDOOOOOM!” echoed around KFC Park.
2-0.
At that stage it looked like there was only one side likely to trouble the scoreboard.
But this is Tahuna. We don’t always like doing things the easy way. Out of absolutely nothing Rangers won a corner and, despite barely venturing into the attacking third, found themselves back in the contest with a free header at the near post. A cheap goal to concede, gifting the visitors both oxygen and belief.
Football, bloody hell.
The momentum swung immediately. Tahuna went from looking like 2002 Brazil to the pub side still recovering from Friday night’s raffle draw. Rangers sensed their opportunity and spent the remainder of the half asking plenty of questions. Fortunately, one thing we’ve learned through nine games is this group simply doesn’t fold.
Wave after wave was repelled with bodies on the line, crunching tackles and plenty of ugly defending. It wasn’t pretty, but nobody remembers pretty in June. The boys trudged into the sheds 2-1 ahead. Needless to say, standards were addressed at half-time. The Gaffer’s “encouragement” could probably be heard somewhere near Richmond. Nat entered the action after the break, replacing Cunny after a 45-minute shift that somehow felt closer to 90.
The second half became a much more even affair. Both teams enjoyed spells with the ball without creating a raft of clear-cut opportunities. Rangers looked to inject some pace down their right, only to repeatedly find IT and Adam standing in the way. Adam’s reward came later courtesy of a tackle so late the referee admitted he’d missed it because he’d followed the ball. We wish Adam all the best in rebuilding what remains of his ribcage. If anyone discovers any spare ribs around Tahuna Reserve this week, please hand them in.
Just after the hour mark, Tahuna landed what looked to be the knockout blow.
Gregor, now fully embracing his role as the Flying Scotsman, ghosted in at the back post to meet a floated cross with a superb header, restoring the two-goal cushion and sending the home crowd into full voice.
3-1.
Sensing time was slipping away, Rangers threw caution, shape and seemingly every available player forward. At one point they had so many attackers on the pitch FIFA would’ve issued a warning. Tahuna dug in.
Danny entered proceedings to contribute both defensive steel and approximately 70% of the team’s facial hair. James delivered his weekly “’Ave it!” tackle, while Seth arrived wearing enough strapping tape to qualify as structural support to also lend a hand in the slide tackle department.
Despite spending long periods defending, Tahuna still carried a threat. Nat drifted around the park like a pleasant smell, linking play beautifully whenever the boys needed an outlet. Van’s engine somehow discovered another gear, while IT continued providing an option down the left, creating several opportunities to finally put the game to bed.
Instead, Rangers found another. A poor goal kick was nodded back into danger before the second ball wasn’t properly dealt with, allowing their dangerous No.10 to shift onto his left foot and tuck one neatly beyond Big Tommy.
3-2.
Cue squeaky-bum time.
The visitors launched everything forward. A looping effort kissed the top of the crossbar, corners rained into the box and every free kick felt like it took five years off the supporters’ lives.
Then came the defining moment. Tom charged off his line to claim a ball he had absolutely no right winning, wearing a full-blooded boot to the face for his troubles. Blood pouring from his nose, ball safely in his hands.
Proper keeper behaviour.
One final chance fell to the home side with Seth’s industrial pressing landing him a one-on-one, which at full tilt he did well to send on target. A sprawling keeper denied him a goal two weeks on the trot, and Tahuna a 4th late on. Moments later the referee finally brought proceedings to an end, sealing another massive three points for the Beach Boys.
It wasn’t always pretty. It certainly wasn’t relaxing. But good teams find different ways to win football matches, and this group continues to prove it has grit to match its quality.
Special mentions go to Tommy D, who stepped into the First Division jersey and barely put a foot—or glove—wrong, and to Van, whose relentless running seems to defy both science and common sense.
But Man of the Match could only go one way. Gregor - two goals. Endless running. The heart of a lion. Cramping from what appeared to be the seventh minute onwards, yet somehow still battering defenders into submission until the final whistle.
Back in the changing rooms, the lads celebrated appropriately with a stirring rendition of “Gregor’s on Fire”, due for release on Spotify any day now.
Round Two complete.
Top of the league.
Still unbeaten.
Up Up!
Match report by Jepo
2nd XI 0 - 2 Suburbs Seals
Location: Saxtons Fields
Goals:
Match MVP:
Confidence was high heading into Saturday's clash with Seals following an excellent performance against Karenni the previous week. With Seals understood to be a few players short, Tahuna entered the match feeling confident of putting in another strong performance. There was also a welcome appearance from Will Matthews, who made a lively cameo up front before returning to the sidelines.
Tahuna started brightly, bringing plenty of energy and intensity in the opening exchanges. The early pressure had Seals on the back foot, but after the opening five minutes the game began to settle. Neither side was able to establish much control, and the match became a scrappy affair with both teams struggling to create meaningful opportunities or maintain possession for long periods. A massive credit must go to the Tahuna back line. Jonny Lewis, Danny Ross, and Ross Smith were called into action repeatedly throughout the first half, dealing with everything Seals threw at them and ensuring Seth Watson wasn't overly troubled during the opening stages.
Going into halftime, the feeling was that neither side was playing particularly great football. The game lacked rhythm and quality in key areas, and it felt increasingly likely that the result would be decided by a couple of moments rather than any sustained dominance. While Tahuna remained solid defensively, the attacking shape wasn't quite clicking. Movement off the ball was limited, passing options were often unavailable, and the side looked a little lost going forward. Special mention must also go to Jamie Floyd—better known as "The Sexual Hamster"—and Joe Waltz, who worked tirelessly in midfield. Both covered enormous ground, battled for every ball, and continually looked to inject some energy into the contest.
The second half followed a very similar pattern. Neither side looked particularly dangerous, and the game remained a scrappy contest with both teams struggling to create clear-cut opportunities. Unfortunately for Tahuna, Seals were able to capitalise on a couple of key moments. On more than one occasion, dangerous crosses were delivered into the box, only for Seth Watson to get fingertips to the ball and push it away from immediate danger. Unfortunately, the loose balls fell kindly to Seals attackers waiting unmarked around the edge of the area, and the rebounds were eventually poked home to give Seals a 2-0 lead.
A huge shoutout must go to Seth Watson, the unstoppable goalkeeper, who produced several outstanding saves and kept Tahuna in the contest throughout the afternoon. Without his efforts between the sticks, the score line could have been significantly worse.
There was a real sense of disappointment at full time. This was not a game Tahuna felt they should have lost. Neither side produced their best football, and there was very little separating the teams across the 90 minutes. Ultimately, the difference came down to a couple of moments where Seals reacted quicker to second balls inside the penalty area.
Man of the Match: Jonny Lewis, for a solid defensive performance and helping keep Tahuna in the contest throughout the game. Dick of the Day: Also Jonny Lewis, for making a few comments that may have been interpreted somewhat differently than intended. A clean sweep of the awards this week.
Match report by Jonny
3rd XI 0 - 7 FC Nelson Karenni
Location: Victory Square Goals:
Match MVP: Sobi
Another character-building afternoon for the mighty Inter Tahuna as FC Nelson Karenni completed their season double over us with a clinical 7-0 victory... Déjà vu. At one stage we briefly considered defending, but Karenni seemed firmly against the idea.
In a season where our 2nds have become specialists in turning up with the bare minimum 11 players, Inter Tahuna decided to see what all the rage was about.
We have no intention of ever doing that again.
With the 1sts burning through goalkeepers faster than a post-curry sprint to the nearest toilet, local legend Tom Dunn answered the call and stepped up between the sticks for the 1sts. Stu "The Immovable" Mountain got to re-feature in goals after previously claiming “never again” and produced several tidy saves despite being subjected to what can only be described as a live-fire training exercise.
Pan continued his remarkable quest to become the first footballer medically classified as a pretzel, suffering cramp for the second consecutive week, forcing him to go off for the last 20 mins, leaving Inter Tahuna to reluctantly fend with 10 men on the pitch. Pack the Marmite next week mate.
Our newest signing spent his debut afternoon getting introduced to Inter Tahuna culture at high speed and is reportedly still trying to work out exactly what he has signed up for. We hope to see him back next week, although we wouldn't blame him if he changed his phone number first.
There were some positives. Several players battled through recent illness to throw together our 11 strong side, special mention to Sobi who had a stand out performance whilst operating on 20% oxygen and 15% sleep. Mat "The John Deere Tractor" Knight returned from a five-week overseas transfer (officially listed as a "holiday"). Despite lobbying hard to run the line and ease himself back into football, he was promptly handed the full 90 minutes. Welcome home.
Credit where it's due Karenni were sharp, organised, and ruthless once again. Having faced them twice this season, we're disappointed that we weren't able to show more improvement, but their quality was evident throughout both encounters – a very strong side in this Division.
Stu took the Man of the Match beer. Still trying to work out how a goalkeeper who conceded seven got the nod, but when you're facing enough shots to qualify for ACC cover, effort has to count for something. Not all heroes wear capes — some wear "Best Club in the Club" paraphernalia.
The score line wasn't pretty, the Victory Square pitches were in considerably better condition than we were, legs heavy and hopes and dreams of a better result smashed, and the post-match debrief was mercifully short between sulky gruffs and groans. But we'll dust ourselves off, regroup, and go again next week. Up Up Tahuna.
Match report by Temu Stu (Rhys)
4th XI 1 - 5 Suburbs Rovers
Location: Tahunanui S2
Goals: Reuben
Match MVP: Johnny
Ooooh bad day at the office. 3-0 down after 20 mins. Maybe I had something to do with it too, I didn't set the tone and inject a bit of urgency in my guys.....I went the chilled out 'we got this ' route. Anyway we started OK, then they punted the ball up to their forward and then Luke slid in, completely clean challenge and the ref blew for a pen... 1-0.
So I made a few subs and for some reason their striker got the ball in acres of space, and anyway 2-0.
Then 10 mins later our guy cleared it and their striker slapped it down and went through to make it 3-0.....well how could the ref see a handball in our penalty box from the center circle. Zach had a solid 45 at RB, forcing an opposition substitution after only 5 minutes into the game. My guys were a bit shell shocked and that's how the half ended. Mistakes by our team and we were 3-0 down......but we were playing OK.
Not sure what I said at half time, but we never recovered and they put another 2 past us. Then as a last ditch effort to score and not get shut out. I went to 3 at the back 2 in midfield and 5 up front. Reuben got through and scored, which took the edge off the 5-1 score. I don't think we played 5-1 bad, we kept working but I think going 3-0 down at half time kicked the belief out of a few players.
Despite that everyone kept going. Man of the match was Johnny for putting in a good shift and some solid tackles. That does rock us a bit for finishing in the top half, making next weeks game very twitchy, we need at least a draw to finish on the right side of the half season split. So back to the training pitch on Weds.
Match report by
TFC Womens XI 0 - 1 Richmond Foxes
Location: Jubilee Park
Goals:
Match MVP: Grace Tahuna Women’s took on the top-of-the-table Richmond Foxes with no substitutes, but with a strong support crew on the sideline ready to cheer them through the full 90 minutes.
From the opening whistle, Tahuna showed grit, structure, and determination. The defensive line of Marijke, Lysh, Hannah, and Michelle stood strong, keeping the Foxes at bay and making them work hard for every opportunity. It was one of the best performances the Tahuna have put together this season, with more than a few jealous supporters on the sideline wishing they could get out there and be part of it.
Richmond eventually broke through in the 20th minute, scoring from a corner. Rather than letting the goal shake them, Tahuna responded with drive and determination, drawing a clear line in the sand and deciding there would be no more easy chances.
Grace was outstanding, following the coaches’ instructions from Cris, Bec, and Ruby to the letter. She marked the Foxes’ forwards tightly and made sure every attacking move was difficult. Her effort, focus, and commitment earned her Player of the Day, not only for her performance, but also for the entertainment she gave everyone watching.
In the second half, Tahuna made just one tactical change, swapping Alysha and Amiee from left to right on the wings. The move added extra pressure on the Foxes and helped keep the game competitive right through to the final whistle.
The spectators were treated to a real spectacle, from loud roars and cheers to the occasional stereophonic sideline call from Rebecca and Ruby yelling, “Who wants it?” The energy from both the players and the supporters made the match one to remember.
A huge acknowledgement must go to all 11 players who stayed on the field for the full 90 minutes, battling through aching muscles and joints, and refusing to give up. To walk off the field with heads held high after only a 0–1 loss against the league leaders is something the whole team should be proud of.
Well done, Ladies. That was one of the most entertaining, coordinated, and courageous efforts of football we have seen in a long time.
Match report by Cris
TFC Masters 12 - 0 Nelson Suburbs Phoenix
Location: Saxton Fields
Goals: Goody (3) Paddy (2) Ed (2) Diego (2) Tomas, Cunny, Zane
Match MVP: Ed
They say the Phoenix shall rise from the ashes… but not today. To their credit, they turned up with just 10 players and a never-say-die attitude. We had two subs, although one was destined to spend the entire game refereeing. No linesman either – just good old-fashioned honesty.
From the first whistle it was a complete team effort. We gave them little to no attack, and Ollie – whose only real action was dealing with one self-inflicted corner and precisely zero goal kicks – finally got his long-awaited clean sheet. We carried on our immense form from last week’s game, adding another 12 goals for and 0 against to our goal difference.
The fans were out in force on the sidelines, although some departed midway through the first half, unable to endure the sheer entertainment of the romp unfolding before them. Midway through the second half, our absent manager sent through orders to spice things up and start sending defenders forward to join the goal-scoring feast. Naturally, one of them obliged. Man of the Match went to evergreen Ed, who didn’t stop running, scoring or assisting for the full 90 minutes.
Goals scored by Goody 3, Paddy 2, Ed 2, Diego 2, Tomas 1, Cunny 1 and Zane 1. Another great team performance. Onwards and up up Tahuna.
Match Report by Pete B
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