19 July 2025
- bountymouse88
- Jul 23
- 9 min read
Division 1: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 1st XI Division 2: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 2nd XI
Division 3: Sprig + Fern Tahuna 3rd XI Division 4:
Women's Premiership: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Breakers Masters Football: Sprig + Fern Tahuna Masters
1st XI 4-3 Suburbs U18s
Location: Champion Green
Goals: Jumbo (P), OG, Oggy, Ethan
Match MVP: Nick In a match with more twists than a bag of snakes, Tahuna Firsts survived cramp, chaos, and kids with too much energy to edge Nelson Suburbs U18s 4–3 in a late winner thriller — locking in third place for the season, which is incredible considering the team’s recent training regime consisted mainly of hops… as in beer.
The match started off spicy. Suburbs were reduced to 10 men early on after their No.10 went full talkback radio, launching a one-man campaign against a throw-in decision. The ref wasn’t having it, and off he went to the naughty chair (sin bin). Even down a player, Suburbs somehow slipped through Tahuna’s defence and scored the opener. No freebie this week — this one stung.
With the lads looking flat, it was time for someone to inspire. Enter Arlo — the team’s top fan, morale officer, and unlicensed pitch invader. He tore through imaginary defenders like Messi on cordial before being re-captured five minutes later and returned to the sideline like a wild animal mid-zoo escape.
The equaliser came courtesy of a moment of pure theatre. The Suburbs goal scorer grabbed Seth's arm and flopped into Mateo like he’d been sniped. Even the ref couldn’t ignore that Oscar-worthy dive. Stone. Cold. Penalty. Jumbo Owen — fresh off a four-week pre-season at the pub — stepped up. Halfway through the run-up he nearly cramped, but somehow managed to toe-poke it just over the line. 1–1. Momentum swing.
Next came some actual football. Mateo flew down the left like he had somewhere to be, whipped in a ball that deflected off a defender and into the net. Some say it was a shot, some say a pass. Mateo says it was both. 2–1 Tahuna at the half, and oranges had never tasted so sweet.
With most of the squad running on fumes (and hops), the second half felt like round one of the season. Then Franco, suspiciously, went down with cramp — moments after supplying the box of beers. Hmmm. Harry came on and held firm.
Then came magic. Kieron curled in a free kick that landed sweetly on a Suburbs defender’s head, who guided it majestically into his own top corner. Oggy claimed it — why not — and celebrations kicked off. 3–1. Surely done and dusted?
Of course not.
Suburbs brought on their Mainland ring-in and suddenly things got twitchy. A lucky shank and a decent header saw it locked at 3–3. They were desperate for points. We were desperate for oxygen.
But then — 94th minute. Chaos in the box. Mateo rolled it back to Nick (yes, that Nick, the one with the bandana). He laced it — or passed it? Still unclear — straight into Ethan, who coolly slotted it home. Cue limbs. 4–3. Scenes.
Final Score: Tahuna Firsts 4 – 3 Nelson Suburbs U18s
Table Watch: Third place secured. Best finish in years. Vibes immaculate.
One more to go next weekend vs Suburbs SPL Reserves — and who knows, maybe we even train this week. Maybe.
Up the mighty Tahuna.
Match report by Joe Robertson.
2nd XI 3-0 Suburbs 3rd XI
Location: Champion Green
Goals: Will Mathews 2, Munday
Match MVP: Danny Hampton Most Improved: Will Murphy
It's good to be back after what seemed like an entire off season. The sun was out at Champion Green and the boys were fizzing to lace up the boots against the team formerly known as The Seals.
The first 20 minutes was some of the best looking football of the season as both teams looked for space out wide with some crisp passing and overlapping runs.
A couple of early chances went begging but not through lack of effort, on another day we could have been 2 up in the first 10. After plenty of sustained pressure Will Mathews was at it again with a double before half time to take the sting out of the game.
After half time Suburbs showed plenty of fight to play more on the front foot, creating 2 or 3 chances which could have turned the game. Will Murphy looking more himself this week made a couple of sharp saves to earn a clean sheet and a late change to a back 4 made things a little more comfortable as the legs got tired. The 3rd goal with 10 minutes to go finished it off. A good outing all around with 3 points to keep it tight on the ladder.
Man of the match for Danny Hampton, back at home in the defensive line was a stand out along with Isaac and Ross.
Back on home soil next week, where ever that might be.
Match report by Munday.
3rd XI 1-2 Richmond FC Stags
Location: Tahunanui S2 Goals: Sayha
Match MVP: Dong After almost 4 weeks off due to adverse weather, Football finally resumed across the Nelson region much to the delight of all teams and all leagues!!!!
The titanic war between Tahuna 3rds and Richmond Stags came to a head in the final match these 2 would contest for the season.
First half:
Tahuna lined up in a 4-5-1 formation with Stu getting a first start of the season on the left of midfield. Dong lined up at an unfamiliar RB this time around. The game kicked off with tahuna knowing a win was sorely needed against the Stags. Within the first 5 mins the first bit of drama as Fraser went up for a 50/50 challenge against the Stags ST. Both clashing heads with Fraser coming off the better of the 2. The Stags striker instantly was subbed off due to the golf ball that began growing over his left eye!
Undeterred by this Stags came forward but the midfield 3 of Thorsten, Binh and Sobi was making quick work cutting out the passes and feeding Sayha and Stu on the wings. Stags tried attacking down the left but Dong was a force to be reckoned with at RB as he was challenging every single attempt and coming off the better.
With 20mins on the clock Dong recovered the ball and flicked it to Sobi who neatly passed to Binh who released Sayha down the right. With support in the centre from Diego and Stu, Sayha took it upon himself to slide his shot under the Stags keeper and into the back of the net!
1-0 to the 3rds, could they finally get the win they have craved all season?!
Stags kicked off and immediately set about trying to get the equaliser, Dong again being a menace in the challenges and recovering the ball. Multiple times Tahuna broke to try and get their all important 2nd. Challenges from the Stags backline on Diego kept the referee busy. Just on the stroke of halftime Stags got a free kick on the edge of the box. The resulting ball in and tussle ending with Stags getting an equaliser, Tom Dunn doing well to stop the initial shot but unfortunately not able to make the second shot. Ref blew for halftime not long after that.
2nd half:
Subs at halftime saw Stu and Thorsten come off with Quan and Ralph joining the fray. Tahuna's backline unchanged. Stags kicked off and immediately the shift became plain to see and Stags mercilessly targeted Sobi with challenges and mind games. So much so Sobi took it upon himself to take out one of the Stags players in a reckless challenge. The ref brandishing a yellow to him. Stags saw their in and continued to put pressure on Sobi. Stu taking him off for a cool down period...
Stags then broke with a ball over the top, Fraser stepped forward as the flag went up for offside on the Stags striker who then ended up putting the ball in the net. Stags celebrated as the ref spoke to the linesman about the call. After some conferring, the referee overruled the call and gave Stags the goal. Tahuna were fuming as Sobi came back on for Binh. Not long after things went from bad to worse for Tahuna as after a challenge from a Stags player, Sobi went down. As he got up he mentioned some things to the ref and ended up being brandished a second yellow card for dissent.
Stags celebrating like they had won the cup final as Sobi walked off...
A quick change at the back as Stu came on for Matt at CB. Straight away Stu made his presence felt by going through 2 Stags players one after the other. Tahuna kept trying to get the equaliser with Sayha, Diego and Thorsten coming close. Tahuna then got a corner and a beautiful ball in from Diego almost floating into the back of the net, The Stags keeper was in no mans land for that one. Unfortunately it was not to be as Richmond Stags held on to beat Tahuna 3rds and close the gap to just 4 points behind, Setting up a spicey end to the season...
Tahuna will feel they at least deserved a draw from that game, such was the heart shown by them even with them being a player down. Tahuna travel to Mapua next weekend in a must win game.
Didn't want to walk the league anyway.
Match report by Stuart Mountain.
4th XI 2-7 Suburbs FC Wannabies
Location: Suburbs
Goals:
Match MVP:
Match report by Justin.
TFC Breakers 8-0 Motueka Angels
Location: Tahunanui S2
Goals: Hannah 2, Ruby 2, Aimee, EJ 2, Alysha
Match MVP: EJ
After a three-week break due to wet weather, the Tahunanui Breakers returned to action with a structured performance against the Motueka Angels at home. The game was a fantastic opportunity to regroup, with the full team in attendance, we took the opportunity pre-game for a well-earned team photo.
The match started evenly with both teams finding their rhythm. The deadlock was broken 15 minutes in, when Ruby made a solo run down the middle and chipped the ball past the Motueka keeper.
A few minutes later, Arin delivered a beautiful cross to Ruby, who squared it for Hannah Cosby-Wood to score, ending the first half 2–0.
The Breakers began the second half strongly. Hannah added her second goal, converting a corner from Ruby.
Ruby then netted her second after a back-pass from Arin, slicing through the defence with a brilliant individual effort.
Ruby followed up with a selfless assist to Alysha, who calmly slotted home the fifth.
Aimee added the sixth with a spectacular chip from outside the 18-yard box that floated over the defenders and into the net.
In her final game of the season, EJ delivered an emotional and powerful performance. Her first goal came from a left-wing drive, calmly finishing with a chip into the net.
She closed the match in style by scoring the final goal—an emphatic strike straight down the centre. Her leadership and passion earned her Player of the Day.
The team sends heartfelt thanks to EJ for her commitment throughout the season and wishes her well on her journey to Europe.
Motueka Feedback
Motueka Angels expressed their gratitude for Tahuna’s sportsmanship, especially for offering player support and adapting to keep the match competitive. Given the recent extreme weather events affecting the Motueka region, the game provided a much-needed release and joy for players who’ve been through tough times.
It was a great return to the field, filled with goals, sportsmanship, and team spirit. Well done, to both Motueka and the Breakers!
Match report by Cris Phelan.
TFC Masters 7-2 Richmond FC Bogans Masters
Location: Botanics
Goals: Paddy, Cole 3, Gaz 2, Kev,
Match MVP: Cole
On Saturday we returned to our spiritual home, The Botanics.
The pitch was full of sticks and dog shit but it didn't matter, it was a sunny day. There was no point in this game where I thought we were going to lose. They looked quite fit and rugby player like and it was quite a physical game in parts with the usual bursts of handbags at 10 paces. But class won out in the end. We just played as a team better than them.
Not really much to report we were dominant from the kick off. There were a few quality goals going in (none from me.......but quantity has a quality all of it's own). Patty opened up our account with a lovely lob over the keeper from the right (assist Ed). Then I stumbled onto a through ball from Patty to poke it home. Then Gaz went on a solo run and scored, 3-0, can't remember if that was first or second half. Next up was Kev, he won the ball outside the 18 and curved it into the right hand corner of the goal. Then Cam put a free kick in and the keeper came for it clattered me a bit and missed it and I headed it over the line. Next was a goal mouth scramble, a bit of pinball where I ended up my arse and poked it home. Finally Patty put Gaz through for #7.
After the Bogans scored their first the guy celebrated it in Ollies face as he was on the ground....but did apologize for his ungentlemanly behaviour after the game. In general it was a good clean game.
Great job guys, great reward for hard work. I thought we had the better of the play and in parts we were passing around them for fun. I think we out-did them in every area, defensively we were stronger and up there with them for pace. Our midfield owned it, which is why we could keep the constant pressure up and our strikers were putting it in the back of the net. A solid team performance with 3 of our goals coming in the last 10 mins.
Match Report by Cole.
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